i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
