if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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