Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
