Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
