saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
