So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
