he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
