everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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