Betty ford says i'm here all night
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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