i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
