Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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