Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
