I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
