One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
