is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
