Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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