he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
