so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You made out with two different species that night
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I wear drunk well.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
