NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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