Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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