Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
