Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
