Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Randomize
