After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
