1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
