can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
