If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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