how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
