I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
