I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Sext me about skeletons
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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