I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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