im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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