Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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