i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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