so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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