I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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