i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
