is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
