She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
