??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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