how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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