shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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