YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
