im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
