I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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