he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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