Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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