i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
