Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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