Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
