she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
