I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
