I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Randomize
