I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You're a waste of cheezeits
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
