I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
