Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
