They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
