now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
