You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
