Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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