it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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