you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
