party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
