shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
