soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize