If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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