I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Come see our sink grown plant.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
