one two three fourrrrnication!
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
