Define "chronic" masturbator.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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