It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
