the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
