i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
jump out the window naked night went bad
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