Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
