yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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