It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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