you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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