She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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